Frustration

I need my own house, I need to paint walls and drill holes to put our art up, I want a dog and a tabby kitten,
I want to be able to put my plants in my garden and not be constantly moving! I hate living in rented with it's magnolia walls and dodgy cooker and heating. I have looked at 250 houses now shown Andy 12 of them made offers on 3 and every time it's fallen through. Grrr....   Why is it so hard to find our home this time?
I want a house with gas and electricity - I want a woodburner - I want character- and a big garden with an apple tree or two.  I am also frustrated with my work, or the lack of it! I have to remind myself that I have  a good life in general, although this year has not been good healthwise with 29 visits to A&E under our belt so far.  That's not counting the usual colds/flu,bugs etc doctors visits. Well, as Andy says at least we are getting our moneys worth out of the NHS, but I'd rather be healthy and not have accidents and injuries - surprisingly none of them from re-enacting on the battlefield.

Been a frustrating year over all, 3 jobs, 3 cars, sold caravan to get an increased deposit for a house that fell through. Parts of my book are on hold at moment because picture research has ground to a halt, and I haven't heard if I have got the WI speaker job or the historical interpreter job.

Sometimes I dream I am back at the Beeb, swinging through the corridors to the editing suites, lining up the days work, collecting the scripts, marking up the camera moves, sitting in the gallery with the director and producer and discussing what we are going to do, filming really interesting stuff, eh! Dates me now everything is digital, no more rushes to discover that you left the lens cap on during a four hour shoot!! (I've never done that - but I know people who have!!)  Walking through studio sets and the bacon rolls at the canteen and
trying to avoid having Pizza in the middle of a night shift (no wonder I have a gastric ulcer now). I actually dream I go to work all night and I wake up happy in the morning.

Trouble is after that kind of work and commitment, when you leave what are you fit to do? All my life has been in TV companies and the last ten years since I left have been hell, unlike others made redundant I did not take to drink, or kill myself, or just give up. I have tried and tried to live without my friends, the job I loved and that meant so much to me, and get on with my life, I worked freelance for a while, employed myself, ran my own holiday cottages, and went into Museum work to follow my other passion - history
but nothing beats that feeling of setting up your camera and taking your stuff to post production after a shoot.

Oh well, back to the present time and the stuff of life.