Two weeks off!

No work, no writing, no e.mails, no twitter, linkedin or blog after this one for two whole weeks.

Two weeks of doing fun stuff. Drawing, painting, cooking, making clothes, going out with my friends and partying and planning next year's holidays and outings.

I realise when I write this blog that some people may get the wrong idea about me, well that's something that never changes. I have had my foot stuffed in my mouth so hard sometimes it's amazing I haven't choked!

Most people who know me well enough to know that, I don't go out of my way to cause trouble but I do it unconsciously. If  I see a wrong that needs righting, or a friend who needs protecting, even if it's from themselves. I'll just jump in without thinking.

That's the thing. The not thinking.  Perhaps these people should be left alone. Perhaps the drama of what's  happening doesn't need a solution least of all from me.

Every Problem has a Solution - that's what my father ingrained into me and it's taken me years to realise that there are some things that just can't be solved.

There will always be wars. People will always fight, bullies and stalkers will roam about making other people's lives a misery, no matter how confused you are by a situation, or how much you apologise, there are always hard-hearted people who will never forgive or forget. For every Angel there is a Demon.

I am too ready to forgive, too easily emotionally blackmailed, too soft for my own good.
I take on board all sorts of problems and hope by helping with them that will make everything ok for everyone. But it doesn't happen.

All that happens is that I am resented and even hated for it, everythings ok now and it had nothing to do with you - BYE - P.S if I ever see you again I'll spit in your face.

Some of the problems I have solved for others are listed below.

Don't tell my secrets to my husband to be, if you do he won't marry me.
I don't want to get married to her, can I stay here till everything settles down.
I'm leaving him for someone new.
She's run away - help me look for her - she's going to commit suicide. 
I don't have a job my life has just crashed and burned.
I can't get off drugs.
I think I've got VD.
I need money desperately I can't pay my bills.
Look after my dog/cat/hamster/rat/ex girlfriend.
I'm not well can you be with me?
Look after my ex- he's going to need all the friends he can get.

So much of my time, my blood pressure, my love was put into making it all right for other people and
I forgot about myself. I had a stress heart attack trying to help others.  I should have remembered
Charity begins at home.

Then when it was all right and everything ok again it was as if seeing me caused embarrassment and I became persona non grata. I wish I had known that would have happened.   Now everyone is fine and dandy and I am blogging away stewing in my own juice!

Anyway that it the last kind of thing like this I am going to write, I think I am completely purged now and feel better for it. I have lots of lovely true friends who I will help only if they ask, a husband who is the love of my life who I will spend more time with and I am going to have a FANTASTIC life!

Ching Ching Ching aLing...

Yes, Narnia was wonderful, so was the glitter moon glowing in a sea of sparkling CDs, in the pitch darkness of the woods.The Huskies were so pretty want one! Had amazing cake, was amazing because for once I could eat it and not worry about my allergies. The trees in the manor glowed in the colours of London, the trees decorated with glittery taxis and sparkle encrusted A-Zs. Waddesdon is such a special place to be, and considering that it's a Jewish house Christmas has come with a vengence. Stunning decorations everywhere, the White Rabbit's tea party and rabbit hole, the superb Shakespeare dressed tree standing in the Globe theatre.  A wonderful start to my birthday weekend.

Saturday was 1940s night and I had my hair done Lucille Ball style by Do Wop Dos, the Christmas 40s party was fun, the singer superb, Viv the Spiv as funny as ever, tried my hand at the Lambeth Walk and somehow it stalled and we were in a traffic jam of glamorously dressed people with thei hands in their Lapels
trying to move forward.  Conga more successful as it disappeared out of the door into the freezing cold.

Sunday was Twilight - the last episode - apparently it wasn't meant to be the last episode but someone stole the parially written book from Stephanie Meyer and she lost heart and wouldn't write any more Twilights.
Cinema was empty mostly, the film slow to start, then left the premise of the book completely but was still good.

Single moment of sadness, no Birthday card from my son. 

Strangely I didn't expect one this year, but under the "getting on with it" I suppose I still hoped for a reconciliation.  Still he has his Dad and his new family, his wife and her family and my sister and her family.  I have my darling husband, some very very good dear friends who love me and know me for the authentic true kind and loving person I am.  Just because you are loving, kind and generous, doesn't mean you shouldn't stick up for yourself - which is what I did - and because people didn't like it - it was what got me into trouble.  I hope he has a lovely life and gets what he wants out of it. So sad I won't be able to share it with him. I have to move on now and get on with my life, sad as it is to say goodbye.

Anyway the tree is up and looks fantastic, the house is stocked with booze and food, the presents are under the tree, fairy lights are making the dining room look like a gold and red grotto, and best of all my health is improving at last - yes I'll always have the arthritus - but people put up with worse and  I AM looking forward now to a fabulous NewYear.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everyone.

Movember 2012

Well Andy's team raised £250!   Big congratulations to everyone involved - all three of you!!
It's a brave man who grows a moustache these days where women are so fey that they can't stand a bit of facial hair for a month!

I'm looking forward to Andy's goatee coming back after the 1940s do at the weekend - my birthday on Saturday - off to the 1940s nightclub - and on Sunday a nice treat out somewhere.

Taking Andy round the Manor on Friday and hopefully I can Hug a Husky, walk through Narnia, and have a lovely discounted lunch out to celebrate the end of Movember and Andy running his team!

Christmas is upon us

This time next month my new snowy tree will be sitting in pride of place in the living room, I will have had at least three well researched chapters of my book, written and under my belt, the presents will be wrapped ready and waiting the turkey will be dressed and ready to cook and best of all we can shut the doors and watch old movies and eat chocolate until we pop!  The cats will have lots of wrapping paper to play in and pounce on and a few mice pressies of their own, and I will rip the wrapping off my presents and pretend I wasn't with my darling hubby when he bought them.

Anything annoying or problematical will be ignored until the new year - fun food festivities films are the order of the day!

This time of year is so dull I wish I could put up the decorations NOW!

Loving working at the Manor the 60ft Christmas trees are stunningly beautiful. The Manor is dressed to impress and we have our Champagne Christmas Party soon.  Thank you God I love this time of year!

Lost in the Past

Trying to find out information about my 17c ladies is difficult, some of the information is contradictory and some sources especially from Victorian times seem like a complete work of fiction.
I'm trying hard to write an interesting accessible history book that will make people say things like
I never knew that and Wow really?

So far I have tons of research and loads of drafts and I need to pull it all together, I get lost in the piles of interlacing information, how much do I put in what do I leave out - and the big question - why am I doing this anyway?

I suppose I want to leave more behind than faded photos and skewed memories of me. My life seems to be speeding on to that hole in the ground too quickly, I don't have all the time in the world anymore.

I live a lot in my own past, and hardly look to the future beyond a calendar year. I'm getting older, iller and crankier and where I would be normally planning a future I don't.  The past is safe you knew what happened, memories are sometimes nice and sometimes bad, but they can't do anything to you in the past it's over.

I have had my 15 minutes of fame more times than I care to recount - I worked for the Beeb for 25 years and 15 minutes of fame came up quite regularly. Now I sit on my own typing my books, wondering what ifs and missing my child, if he doesn't contact me on my birthday this year - I don't suppose he'll ever talk to me again and the way he's behaved recently it's probably a good thing.  Might stop the pain and the aching hole inside me every time I think about him now. 

Movember 2012

Trying to raise money to help with research into prostate cancer is very hard.  Men tend to ignore their illnesses and the stupid animals can leave it too late to be cured.  One of our friends nearly did that - but he's on the mend now thank God.

Andy my hubby is a lovely man, and kind and he loves helping people, he's always the first to step up and he took on Movember at Rebellion where he works when no-one else would. He only has a small team doing it
and he's been involved now for the past 4 years.

Everyone has compassion exhaustion and not much money, I know this, we don't have much money, but I calculated how much I would spend on posh coffees in a month and gave that to Andy to boost his total.
More important to save perhaps my own husband or son's life than have a latte at Costa Packet!

So if you can and you are a bloke - remember it could save YOUR life - please give to:
http://uk.movember.com/mospace/index/search/#q=rebellion
and if you are a woman, look after your man by giving anything - as little as a pound will help.

I have become a Mo Sister and it's up to me to chivvy everyone on, so please,give what you can.
THANK YOU THANK YOU!!

Too clever for my own good

I have just failed an interview because I was too knowledgeable. Do I have to dumb down now?  If I could think of something fluffy and stupid and waste time and money making little pink things that look like hearts would I make money? Probably.  But because my interest is history and sometimes it's not fluffy and pink
no one wants to know.

But History is exciting and relevant, our lives despite the technology are closer to the past than anyone might think. Nothing really changes, people never really learn from history ancient or modern. There are still wars, famine, slaves, debt, fashion, food, whatever life is made of repeats in circles.

I write this blog for me. I started writing it to promote my book, but as no one is reading my blog it's not working.   Sex sells the old 30s ad line said - it's as true today.

I could write pornographic crap like Shades of Gray, but I choose not to, it denegrates women and men.
I want people to discover, be enlightened, have adventures and laugh and learn and add to the world they live in.   Aldous Huxley's Brave New World was not too far from the truth.  In his book children learn about sex from a very early age, no-one grows old, everyone is pretty and sex and entertainment are the same thing.

Their world is run by slaves called Epslion Morons, living below the city, who collect the rubbish and feed the people allowing sex drugs and rock an roll above.  Nothing moves on people are bored, no new discoveries, no new anything. Same old same old.

Time has come to open our eyes to our world, see beauty in the sunsets, discover the new, be it fashion or medicine or knowledge or  adventure.  There is so much for us still to explore and do.  Let's not become jaded by drink and sex, it's ephemeral. (Sorry dumbing down here - translation -It  doesn't last.)

Any museum or old house has items of beauty that still thrill today, pictures, embroidery, statues, pottery,
they will outlast an orgasm any day of the week. Livers will get shot with drink, all bodies decay, but a thing of beauty is a joy forever.

Frustration

I need my own house, I need to paint walls and drill holes to put our art up, I want a dog and a tabby kitten,
I want to be able to put my plants in my garden and not be constantly moving! I hate living in rented with it's magnolia walls and dodgy cooker and heating. I have looked at 250 houses now shown Andy 12 of them made offers on 3 and every time it's fallen through. Grrr....   Why is it so hard to find our home this time?
I want a house with gas and electricity - I want a woodburner - I want character- and a big garden with an apple tree or two.  I am also frustrated with my work, or the lack of it! I have to remind myself that I have  a good life in general, although this year has not been good healthwise with 29 visits to A&E under our belt so far.  That's not counting the usual colds/flu,bugs etc doctors visits. Well, as Andy says at least we are getting our moneys worth out of the NHS, but I'd rather be healthy and not have accidents and injuries - surprisingly none of them from re-enacting on the battlefield.

Been a frustrating year over all, 3 jobs, 3 cars, sold caravan to get an increased deposit for a house that fell through. Parts of my book are on hold at moment because picture research has ground to a halt, and I haven't heard if I have got the WI speaker job or the historical interpreter job.

Sometimes I dream I am back at the Beeb, swinging through the corridors to the editing suites, lining up the days work, collecting the scripts, marking up the camera moves, sitting in the gallery with the director and producer and discussing what we are going to do, filming really interesting stuff, eh! Dates me now everything is digital, no more rushes to discover that you left the lens cap on during a four hour shoot!! (I've never done that - but I know people who have!!)  Walking through studio sets and the bacon rolls at the canteen and
trying to avoid having Pizza in the middle of a night shift (no wonder I have a gastric ulcer now). I actually dream I go to work all night and I wake up happy in the morning.

Trouble is after that kind of work and commitment, when you leave what are you fit to do? All my life has been in TV companies and the last ten years since I left have been hell, unlike others made redundant I did not take to drink, or kill myself, or just give up. I have tried and tried to live without my friends, the job I loved and that meant so much to me, and get on with my life, I worked freelance for a while, employed myself, ran my own holiday cottages, and went into Museum work to follow my other passion - history
but nothing beats that feeling of setting up your camera and taking your stuff to post production after a shoot.

Oh well, back to the present time and the stuff of life.

Old links

I got to thinking about my life the other night, it seems 3am in the morning is the time to do it, when the rain is drumming on the windows and my husband is gently breathing and fast asleep. I thought about my early life at the Beeb and the friends I had in the eighties and wondered what they were doing now.  We used to have long lunches and take picnics into the fields around the OU and sit and laugh and talk about everything. One of my friends Suzette had a gas mask collection, another Ian, used to come in wearing dungarees and no tee shirt - guys were fitter in the 80s!! There was Mikie who had amazing black curly hair and only ever wore black, Leslie who was after Mikie, never knew if they got it together or not, and me. I never had any money in those days and lived on Mars bars and Twixes. One of my friends from that time Babs, now lives in France and is restoring an old Napoleonic fort.  I guess everyone else is sprinkled across the media like sugar on a cake.

I miss my job, I miss the responsibility of it. I miss meeting famous people. I miss being a female Tekkie.
People I have been in a lift with when I did my meet and greet job with the Beeb were Charlton Heston,
Tony Curtis, Charlie Drake, Frazer Hines, Jonny Ball, Khalid Aziz, Patrick Stewart, Jenny Agutter, Craig Charles, Danny Jon Jules, Richard Burton and his brother!, Sophie Aldred and many many more. My brain is still bunged up with flu germs - just as well or I could go on about this all day!

It's a pity life is transitory because I still haven't got to grips with everything yet. So much more to do.

Anyway I have an interesting parcel that's just arrived - so you have been let off for today!

Flu Flu Sick Sick Flu

Corny I know but what else can you say when you have a head full of cotton wool and your legs don't work better today though because of bigger doses of painkillers. I looked at the box this morning and thought there's enough perscription drugs here to kill a rising superstar. Anyway spent the morning filling in my new phone book and phoning friends - as I had the phone book handy!!

I'm hoping my legs and brain will work in some co-ordination by the weekend as I have a 40s re-enactment to do.  I am as white as a sheet and even scare myself when I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Missed an interview at Oxford that I am annoyed about - but perhaps it wasn't meant to be - and that was fate taking a hand.

So onwards and upwards and possibly outwards as I am living on toast as I can't really be bothered with much else. Oh well time to get on with the few things I can do on the computer like paying bills.

Have you noticed though that if any big companies owe you money they take an age to repay it?

C'est la vie ma amies. Au revoir a demain.

Here I go again!

Well, haven't written for a time, been busy, bought a new car took the sports model back, wasn't me.  Smart expensive and terrified to leave it anywhere. Now have a 4x4 Red workhorse that I have christened Ruby.
It has such a large boot that we can sleep in it. Made for picnics and loading lots of stuff into the back of.
We used it to take all the booze up to Sulgrave for our party.  What a fabulous time, laughed my head off got very drunk drinking champers like lemonade danced all night to a fab band and Stuart provided enough food to feed half of Oxfordshire - we both took stuff into our places of work. Our friends were wonderful and danced and ate and drank and laughed and danced some more.  Later that week I had an audition in front of 130 women of the WI and I am waiting to hear if I am going to be put on their list of  speakers for next year.

Was supposed to have an interview at Oxford University today but have had flu for two weeks since the party and now feel sick and dizzy, aching all over, today has been the best day of the two weeks and I'm still not great. While I was waiting for my audition a women ran out of the hall and threw up - great - just what you need before you go on to speak to a hall full of people.

Now I know how she feels.  So I'm going to quit while I'm ahead.  Speak again later if I ever get rid of this thing.

Writers block

There you go.

My life at the moment....

Got an interview with the WI in October to speak in front of 100 women about my new book and women's lives in the English Civil War.Tried to buy a house but as I don't have a permanent job the mortgage companies wouldn't lend to me.

My son is still not speaking to me, having broken yet another olive branch held in his direction.
Makes me sad this, as he led us a hell of a time during his teenage years, I saved his life twice, once when he drank so much he stopped breathing in his sleep, and the second time when he was into drugs at uni and we dragged his skeletal body from a stinky mattress in a run down part of town and brought him home and looked after him. He would have lost an eye from a tooth abcess if I hadn't forced him into the dentists chair and paid for it to be fixed for him.

We helped him move 3 times, paid deposits on his flats, helped him out with thousands of pounds, paid for him and his girlfriend's degree celebration, and her mum's flights from Japan, supported him mentally, physically, and financially. I held him in my arms many times while he cried - most recently - and I think this is the real problem, when he phoned us at one in the morning just before he got married and told us that he didn't want to go through with it. His on off relationship with this woman led to me having a heart attack from stress.

I know I shouldn't write this sort of thing on a public blog, but it breaks my heart that he told me I broke up our loving family, just because I stood up for myself against his cool auntie, who has done nothing for him, but get him drunk and let him sleep on her sofa.  There is no forgiveness in him.  Loving family?  When I was being stalked and needed help where were they then?  When I had a heart attack my friend dropped everything and drove from Stoke to Cornwall to be with me - where was my sister then? He has always forgot my birthday - only sends mothers day cards when pestered to do so, in the past only visited to borrow money or have problems solved - when I needed my money back, he ignored me, when I asked to visit more than twice a year, this loving son of mine's now wife said they were too busy. When we needed help to move he never offered.

Where was the love from him?  I can only remember three presents that they gave me - a pot of flowers which was nice, with lollipops. I don't eat sweets.  A tin of Japanese sweets - I don't eat sweets, and a set of plastic bowls that stack.   As for my sister his auntie with whom he now sides, she wrote to my husband trying to break us up, telling him my life was all lies. I have all the paperwork to prove her wrong.  She was ten and a half when I left home so what does she know about my life? My father had died when she was about eight. My mother died when my sister was 15 and I had to adopt her to stop her going into a home.
If it wasn't for me she wouldn't be where she is today, I was the one taking time off work to drive her to all the nursing colleges, I was the one hugging her in the middle of the night when she was screaming in fright.
At 25 and newly married I had no money - but a teenager and all that comes with it.

I miss my family, I forgive my sister for being so horrible to me, she's lost her memory twice, and this damages the brain, so I'm told. My other sister I don't even know if she's dead or alive, but I'm sure she's travelling the world looking for somewhere to live that has English tea and no geckos. But my neices who earn more than me, to whom I gave expensive perfumes or gift vouchers and holidays in my Cornish cottages for Xmas and birthdays what do I get from them?  cheap plastic scrunchies that their mum borrowed back and never returned.

So I have no family not a jot - no-one - nada - nothing.  For all the horrible and destructive things they have done, I forgive them.  I'm not going to my grave holding grudges. 

But I would like to see my son before I go, the son who made me laugh so much I couldn't breathe, the witty clever chatty boy interested in geology and the Spice Girls, the son who loved to dance at parties, to see his beautiful strawberry blond hair blowing in the breeze of a Cornish summer while he let me take a photo of him in his wetsuit with his surfboard in our garden with the rolling Atlantic ocean over his shoulder in the view.

I would like another chance with him.

Strange Tides

I've been thinking a lot about the past and the future, something my Shaman told me not to do, and I was feeling better when I didn't do it. It's like addiction for me though and I want to solve the problems of the past and the present and the future. But it overwhelms me and I feel like I'm drowning.

The book is frustrating as I'm between contracts at the moment so don't really have much of an income, but the pictures I want to use all cost a fortune, so I'm a bit stymied and I'm having to illustrate the book myself with the front cover being done by Andy Evans who has done many book covers before.

I always think money is like the tide, it comes in and goes out with amazing regularity, and for me at the moment the tide is way out!

I have spent the whole morning paying bills, well, at least I can still do that!  I just wish the tide would come in again and sweep me off my feet with it's great abundance.

Time to move on

Clearing out rubbish and selling everything to allow us to shed the past and move on.

Right now let's get on with it!

Health scare now under control, small note to everyone who reads my blogs - don't get stressed it causes all sorts of problems!

Now onwards and upwards with my books, the history and the romantic fiction. More to come.

But this week I am making a 17c banqueting dress for a friend who is paying me to do it, and getting ready for our Sulgrave Bash !   Partay!! 

17c and 1940s mix lots of music, food by Stuart Peachy of Green Valley Fame, music by 3 Sticks who have played with Jethro Tull.

Fun by us!!

Yes I am sunshine and showers sort of person, but now I know I'm going to be okay the sun has come out again and I am happy!

Hopefully start new contract soon in the heritage industry!

Look out world here I come!

Frightened

Holiday was awful we didn't stay at the cottage it was too filthy. Tried elsewhere but all booked came home at 1am. Spent rest of week sitting in the garden.

Yesterday after a visit to the Doctors yesterday, I hear hospital, tests, come in next week and I am frightened. I am trying to be normal but my stomach is churning and I can't take it in.

I will get through this I will I must, I want to live my life and have fun and go places.

Off to the Sealed Knot this weekend, perhaps I can forget the Doctor's serious face and look forward to a weekend of fun and friendship.

Holiday!

I'm supposed to be on holiday in Wales, but I can't seem to leave work alone. No-one told me that writing takes over your life. If I'm not writing I'm researching for my book, or thinking about writing. In a land of rain and castles and my hubby's forefathers, all I really want to do is sleep, but that seems to be a waste of time there is a whole Welsh world going on out there and I want to be in it as well.  Hrmmmm sleepwalking could be the answer.

Although I was born on Highgate Hill within the sound of Bow Bells (A true cockney) and lived in the East End all my early life, I still don't know quite how I came to be living in the Cotswolds writing books, working in the grand houses, and best of all married to a toy boy.

I still have moments when people annoy me that I go "all Shoreditch on their ass" sometimes they don't deserve it. Sometimes they do. The last two years have been a hellova roller coaster ride, and I hope now it's over. I denied being myself for a long time, and took of crap from people believing that they were going through a hard time, tried to help when I should have stood back and let them get on with it. 

But that's what friends do isn't it? Well, that's what I used to think. Come to the rescue, listen to problems, give advice and comfort food. Not me, not any more. There's only five people I'll do that for now and two of them are cats!

One of the things that having my life taken apart by others has done for me has made me look at all my achievements again. Go through my boxes, look at all my old published stuff, some of it makes me cringe it's so naive. My invitation to my BAFTA, my letters from Marjorie Proops, Robin Ellis and others. The drawing of me at 17 done at Hornsey College of Art when I was dragged in to sit for the third year students. My portfolios of work, my Evans Design and Coppernob Design, my work for BBC News 24, Guardian Articles, my Beta tapes full of Rostrum Shoots and creative Collage work. My entry to the Tate Gallery Portrait competition. That was ME.  I did it and I'm proud of it, and no-one can take it from me.

Alongside that whenever I was pushed over in the 80s and 90s I got up again. I still do it day after day.
When I couldn't get a job in the 00s I employed myself and made money at it. Owner of two holiday cottages with a three and four star rating - the three star would never be a four star because it wasn't big enough so the Tourist Board said.  I did that ME.

I'm having a big party, lots of friends old and new. No family. I lost my family two years ago, it's hard, every day I think about it and feel the loss. But I have to move on I can't live in the past. I can miss them, remember the good times, but I have to live in the present. So we are going to celebrate our tenth anniversary in some style with my re-enactor friends from the 40s and the 17c should be a laugh!

Oh yes, I'm on holiday so I'd better go.

Bad day

Not as bad as other people so I have really no right to moan. Don't feel well and miss my son who I know will never speak to me again and I don't understand why. I forgive him for all his mistakes (he'll say he never made any!) and I have made mistakes as well lets face it I'm only human, but for some reason he can't forgive me.  All I've ever tried to be is kind and supportive to all my family and friends. Funny thing is I know women who are really horrible to their children and always have been, and their kids love them to bits - I don't get it. The only way from here is up.

Bees

They're dying out due to strange hornets feasting on them and mites burrowing into them, some people might say good. Not me, if it were wasps, annoying persistant, with a constant sting, then I might say good.  But with the decline in bees there will be a decline in our foodstuffs and I'm not just talking about honey, wheat
(burger buns and bread) hops and barley (beer) grapes and strawberries (chardonnay) and the strawbs that go in it - are you getting the picture?  Everything will go and we will starve - never happen? The importance of bees has been known for years, the furry drones with yellow pollen knees only have one sting in them and that's a last resort, because if they use it they die. So they don't use it if they can help it. (Wasps can sting over and over).   So why have I got this bee in my bonnet?   Because at Waddesdon yesterday a swarm of bees were murdered so that the house could open on time. There was no need for it, they could have got the beekeeper to take them out, he would have put a basket over the swarm, knocked them into it, they get all sleepy and he takes them to a nice new hive where they can swarm in peace. But the ignorant security guard said they were pests and he killed the lot of them, and the house opened in half an hour as usual because that was more important than closing one room for a bit till the beekeeper came.
I thought the National Trust had a duty of care to conservation, they boast on about it a lot, but when it comes down to it they don't give a toss.  I tried several times talking to this guy to persuade him not to do this but apparently it was none of my business and all pests had to be destroyed - I wonder if that applies to him?

Jago on Kindle

Borrowed 30,000 times from the Kindle library!  Excellent value at 35p a pop - Hrmmm minus tax, minus Amazon promotion, minus dollar to pound exchange - looks like I might end up owing them money!

Hot Hot Hot

Not writing today, not thinking, working on the garden and got up early to blitz the housework, just got back from the vets again, my little lad is making progress!! I also found out that he has a love affair going on with some of the nurses, they recognised him and it was all kisses and cuddles - well, don't mind me - I just pay the bills!! smiley face!

Trenchfoot

Well, not exactly, but athletes foot anyway from wearing wellies all summer.  Weather is supposed to change tomorrow so perhaps I get get my sandals out! looking forward to the weekend. I have loads and loads of interesting ouside stuff to do, unfortunately can't go Knotting as my little cat is not well enough to be left overnight, but it'll do him good to get out at the weekend and pouncing about the garden.

On the Best Sellers List!

My book is rated 175 thousandth out of 800 thousand books sold on Amazon!  Amazing!

Waddesdon again!

Off to Waddesdon, and it's raining again - stair rods here.  Lots on my mind today I keep skiving off when I should be working, it was sunny yesterday and I went out with a friend of mine and we went to an old barn overlooking fantastic lush green rolling hills and had lunch, afterwards we walked round the craft galleries.
I did write the time line for my history book yesterday and had a desperate look for the discs for my second and third novels, they must be in the loft.  Oh well a cup of coffee and off to work in the wonder that is Waddesdon Manor, spectacular doesn't even start to describe it.

We had a medieval weekend last weekend, went to the Tewkesbury medieval fayre. Fantastic day despite the mud, really glad I invested in my cool pirate wellies!  Bought some lovely stuff, a signed print of Knights in the Mist by Graham Turner, spoke to him for a while. A medieval tile whic is now hanging on the wall and some Dragon's blood and some patchouli and sandlewood soap - cost an arm and a leg. The battle was good but in a field far far away due to the flooding so I stayed shopping and photographed the knights on the way back.  Met some friends ate roast animal, had a beer, so all good!

Portraits

Sourcing pictures for my book has become a pain all the lovely portraits I want to use are owned by Paul Getty or Lord Sai nsbury and they want to charge me for their use, fair enough but
a) I have no money till the book is finished.
b)Aren't they rich enough already that they need an extra £35 from me and a share in the book sales?
c) There is an American Guy with a flickr site that is selling photos that he took while in the Ashmolean
    so isn't that illegal? Why don't they do something about him?
I'm so tired today and don't feel well, this hayfever is really getting me down this year I have a constantly sore throat and have to make a not at all nice gak! gak! noise so I can breathe!
Anyway back to the book.

writing today

need to get off blog and twitter and start doing the thing that I have wanted to fo professionally all my life - why is it suddenly so hard?   My kindle book is selling and has a rating which is good and I have been commissioned to do a history book on the English Civil War which I am all fired up about, I have my office full of research and it's a mess perhaps that's what's putting me off, perhaps I'll just tidy up first....

My book on Amazon

is being rated !  Which means it's being bought. Just read the Shades of Grey book that's flying off the shelves, it's just really well written porn - to call it a love story is a bit of a stretch because the actual storyline gets in the way of the porn.  But what a brave woman to write this and to have obviously experienced this sexual adventure "thanks CCL" she quotes at the front of the book.  They say you should write what you have experienced and this is a very good example of this. It's about time that an intelligent woman could show she could out write any man when it comes to this erotica.

History book

Civil War Women, commissioned soon, then I will really have to work!

The cat came back

from the cattery and straight into vet hospital again. Poor Amber, such a cute boy so loving, why does he always have to be so ill?  Seeing him yesterday jumping about in the garden like a meerkat and stretching on the bed this morning you would think he is fine until you felt his little tummy. Hard as a rock poor baby, he hadn't been to the loo for 3 days so another blockage in his lazy bowel, and that means another little op and hopefully he will be home dazed and half shaved but ok tonight. He might need the lazy bit taken out but then that brings other problems. Fingers and toes crossed for the wee'un.

Writing stuff

Pulled my back yesterday whilst working on the computer - turned round to get something and blam instant pain. Who said writing wasn't a dangerous occupation? Physically dangerous that is, because the pen being mightier than the sword and all that means that people have to go into hiding after some books being written.

My book? No, probably not, though I did steal the characters of people I know and put them into situations with different names and the book sort of wrote itself. The characters take on a life of their own and sometimes even go places you don't want them to - just like your children.  Thanks Jonathan from San Diego for being the inspiration for Jago. I was going to say I have never met a kinder man, but I am now married to one!  Jon gave me confidence when I had none, made me laugh and made me feel beautiful again. I just hope he is really happy in his life because he deserves it. He must be 50 now - scary - met him in the mid 80s when he was 30 and I was few years older and my marriage was on the rocks. About the time when I used to escape down to Cornwall and stay in Mousehole with my son and let the cobalt waters of Mounts Bay soothe my soul.

Strange thing life, no-one spreads their life out like a tablecloth so that everyone can see what's on it. So a lot of my life is a surprise to my friends and family.

But my mother always said don't tell anybody anything about what goes on behind closed doors at home. Everything had to have a respectable front.

I'm writing too much here - my Shaman says it's good to write to get back to your authentic self and love your authentic self.  Don't live in the past. Don't live in the future - live in the moment, but the tapestry of my life weaves into my thoughts every now and again, embarrassing moments that happened long ago still make me shudder, and I want to hold my son in my arms again as a little wriggly boy.

Back to the moment, and it's actually a quite good moment.

Glastonbobby

http://www.myspace.com/music/player?sid=1206314&ac=now   Guns of Navarone and the music of my youth!
Ska and reggae - Bobby gave us the best festival ever - indie, rock, ska, northern soul  OMG!!
Covered in mud, eating junk, drinking like a teenager, sore throat from shouting.
http://www.myspace.com/cry-baby-aeroplanes
 These kids are amazing someone give them a contract!

Festival time

Off to a Northern Soul festival at the weekend, sleeping  in the car, washing in a bucket, living on rubbish food.  Can't wait. You never feel any older than your soul and my soul feels about 33.  It was one of the best times in my life, I had a nice house, a great job in Graphics at the BBC and my son was born.  A long way from the tiny flat in Shoreditch where I started out. I left Shoreditch with £7.00 in my pocket and tho' money comes in and goes out like the sea, I have been lucky enough to always have food on the table and a roof over my head and work to do. Thank you Universe!

No blogs today

No blogs today, although I have been so busy, I have nothing much to report.  I am having a small local book club review my book and lets hope the results are good!

I am living in the moment

I am living in the moment, fully committed to this moment in time. Moment follows moment, no past no future just the now. Enjoy it. Went to see a Shaman last night and it was amazing and I would recommend it to anyone. I went on a journey through my free running true self to the sound of ancient drums and rythmic clapping. Felt non existant ash fall on my head, choked on smoke from a bonfire in a lush green forest, heard native american laughter, and fought on Towton Bridge, the sun went down in a bloody red rush covering the fields of middle England and I was in the many different lands of my verdant and expressive mind.  Touched but not touched by invisible fingers, felt hands lift something from me, saw my body change to my authentic self and came out a smiling whole person. Calm and well.  Thank you Shaman.

The bloggers lament

I started my blog to sell my book,
But no-one seemed to take a look,
It seems to me I will stay poor,
Unless I get myself out that door,
Promoting my book is a strange old thing,
But I want to make my finances sing,
So on I go every day,
Writing, blogging and Tweeting away.

Smooth Sex on the Beach

Nope, not my book, but yeah... could be - I'm having a cocktail party tomorrow with a few local friends to celebrate the longest day. Spent today making food, shopping and cleaning, out tonight with the girls from the Ashmo. I am so lucky to have so many friends.

Tomorrow you won't hear from me because I'm going to be at Waddesdon Manor all day doing my house guide thing and the party in the evening.

Have a good longest day everyone.

Light that candle

Feel like I'm lighting a candle in a dark room - no-one can really see me yet!   NEED more candles!!
Today I'm getting ready for a cocktail party on Wednesday - yes it does take me that long, I need everything to be perfect.  Writing every day still, but I can't spend every second at the computer because you need to experience life to write about it.  So I get out there and do it. People watch in coffee shops and at the Mall,
take part in different experiences, sometimes difficult, but I do it anyway, and try to learn something new every day. Once more into the breach dear friends.....

The next big thing!

Hopefully I will have my next book in the Carter Trilogy on Amazon in the next couple of weeks, this time it's about Beth, and the way she looks at the world.

I wrote these books from 1987 - 1997 whilst working for the BBC, technology was changing, the face of TV was changing, Producer Choice had just come in and there were strikes aplenty.  Through it all the news still went out, important stuff still got done.  It was a time when money was tight and debts were high, just like today - so I felt now was the time to release these books as everyone would know in some measure what the characters were going through.

But there is always light at the end of the tunnel, even if sometimes it is the front on an oncoming train!

http://www.amazon.com/gp/feature.html?ie=UTF8&docId=1000493771

For those of you who don't have Kindles here is another way to read my book - I'd love someone to give me a review of it.   My first review by an editor who read through my book said, " A fast moving chatty book just the thing for reading on a plane or while on holiday".

Please read and enjoy - off out today on yet another project!

Amazon Link to my book Jago

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Jago-The-Carter-Trilogy-ebook/dp/B008ACMN3M/ref=sr_1_14?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1339404072&sr=1-14

Read the first chapter for free or borrow it from the Amazon Kindle Library - enjoy !   It's a raunchy read so hold on to your hats!

Never give in Never Surrender!

Since I saw Galaxyy Quest that has been my motto and it has served me well.  I have written for years and at one time I had something in common with the late Spike Milligan, I too had enough rejections notes to wallpaper a wall!  But there were always little victories like having an article published in Arial the BBC staff magazine about being filmed with my precious 1960s Barbie doll, and having the odd short story published.
I truly believe that fate pushed me in this direction again because the time is right.

Well in 48 hours my first novel will be on Kindle. After spending years in a drawer it really was time it saw the light of day. The start of a trilogy about two families, one in Cornwall and one in London, and how they tie themselves together for two generations.

I have been writing since I was 14 years old, having my first short story published in "Jackie", a teen romance magazine. Since then, I have written constantly, having a piece on the BBC Cornwall's website "A Sense of Place", an article on the Guardian "Experience" page,and various articles on historical costume for a history magazine.

Life got in the way as it often does, and after living in Cornwall for seven years - going there to write and paint-  then being so busy running a holiday cottage business I spent a lot of time too exhausted to do either!
I am now back to the middle of England and now have time to write again - the characters jump about off the page with excitement at coming to life at last.  I can't wait to see what happens next.