When our ship landed on Earth, what, some seventeen years ago now. It seemed to us a pleasant enough place for a sojourn.
Mongo had become toxic, the infighting of it's many tribes and the madness of poor Dr Zarkov made it impossible to stay.
That gave you a brief idea what was going on - we left the apple core which was what was left of Mongo and waited for Dr Zarkov's signal that his invention to grow Mongo back into it's usual globe shape, and even add a couple of moons for good measure, to come.
It didn't, the contacts were erratic and despite sending minions disguised as bin bags into the space around Earth, (we were told this planet sent rubbish into space) we had no response.
In the meantime we were becoming aclimatised to this planet and a liking for beer, wine, chocolate was born. We became worried when it was time to send the Crown Prince of Mongo to university, we needn't have worried. He didn't learn anything he didn't already know. On the good side his list of concubines grew considerably.
Ming considered changing his name to Mong as he had now become good. I his wife Dale,
still tried to keep an edge, but found myself working for various charities, and even worse raising loads of money for them.
The signal has finally come, broken crackling slightly mad, but then Zarkov was always a bit like that. So now we have to leave this little blue planet and go home. Just as well it seems it's going the way of Mongo, there'll be nothing left of this one though pretty soon. Well done Earthlings! Killing each other in interesting ways saves us a job!
We're loading the rocket as we speak, just a few essentials, a box set of Call the Midwife,
a mahout and elephant we bought when we first arrived, even cured the poor animal of
crumplehorn by tying plastic bin bags round it's knees! The Sennen mermaids refused to come. Strangely they still have hope for mankind, the Loch Ness monster was a bit of a squeeze, but after using the shrink ray he fitted quite nicely into the fish tank.
Here's the prototype you can see it's taken 15 years to build!
So goobye Earthlings and Good Luck - you'll need it...